slave

It's still hard at times to not just give up...the last 3 weeks have really taken a toll on my heart. i've been trying to recommit myself, i even have moments when i am more devoted then ever, but there are also moments when i'm so tired both physically and emotionally, tired of the heartaches, tired of having every flaw pointed out, tired of never being good enough, tired of never being understood, that i just want to sit down and not go any further. Always the part of me that loves and cherishes Him kicks in and i push on.

i try to keep in my mind the moments of bliss, the moments of love and laughter, the moments when i recognize that He's given me all that i could ever have dream possible. a D/s relationship has proven that i am not a very disciplined person. i try, i try, and i try, but my capabilities are sooo inadequate sometimes...

i think it's because i live most of my life trying to cope from the limbic part of my brain instead of from my frontal lobe.......then when something as little as harsh words are spoken to me......i downshift into my brainstem...i try to get used to being yelled at but it just doesn't come....